EverAfterLand

Everybody's Doing It

For the last few days I've gone through more mood swings than a contestant on Project Runway and spent the bulk of my time barricaded in the kitchen.

No, the hubs and I are not fighting.  This is worse.  Much worse.

Two words that strike fear into the hearts of all parents, but especially first-timers like us.

Potty. 

Training.

OK, ok, that's enough screaming!  Pull yourself together, for crimeny sakes!!!

Our adorable Miss Priss, just a bit over two years old, has, for quite a while, been sitting on the big potty.  But only if we asked her if she had to go.  And only if she was paid in stickers.  It was like a mini-Disney World vacation to her - she had our undivided attention, story reading and STICKERS! 

But she wouldn't perform.  And after a couple months, I knew she was not going to make this easy for us.  Once she started telling us she "needed a new diaper" AFTER she'd peed or pooped, I knew it was time to get down to business.

We had to resort to guerrilla warfare. 

We were going commando (well, more like SHE was going commando).

And the gloves were coming off!  (Umm, strike that, the gloves definitely were going ON.)

Fortunately, this house has one of those big eat-in kitchens with a vast expanse of linoleum flooring. 

And a door.

Priss and I spent every waking moment in the kitchen - she sporting nothing but a shirt, underwear and socks, me still hanging in my jammies - just waiting.  Waiting for her to understand what it was to pee all over yourself versus peeing in the potty.

Thank goodness hubster had more faith in this process, because I was ready to give up by the first afternoon - despite the whole thing being MY idea. 

But she got it! 

Sort of.

Eventually.

After going through a stack of underwear, more knee-high socks than The Girls Next Door and enough towels to dry off the Olympic Swim Team.

I'm happy to report, Priss is VERY excited about her new Big Kid status and will enthusiastically yell out, "I did it!  I really did it!" each and every time she tinkles in the pot.

I, on the other hand, am in emotional shambles.  I have never been so manic in all my life!  My moods have oscillated between exuberant highs for each Successful Potty Sit!!! and the feeling of ultimate failure, doom and gloom for each puddle silently mocking me from the floor.

I will be heading off to therapy this afternoon.  I go to this really great facility called "Target," perhaps you've heard of them?

But more vital to my sanity, I will be going A-L-O-N-E.

Mommy of the Year - A Christmas (Cookie) Story

Isn't it amazing what we do for our kids? 

Especially when the things we do are things that they have no clue about and wouldn't miss if we didn't insist on doing them!

For example, some people might think it frivolous to bake cookies with a two year old.  Maybe even a little dangerous - what with that piping hot oven and all!

And then there are the rest of us who feel like we'd be cheating our children (and in fact it just wouldn't be Christmas) if we did NOT test our sanity (and our fire drill procedures) and create "Christmas Tradition" from a greasy, melty hunk of dough.

Some of us consider it our Mommy Duty.

Of course, I mixed together all the cookie dough the night before - I'm not completely insane, after all!

I kept my expectations low as far as decorations were concerned, and we aimed for a simple palette of just red and green sprinkles.  As you can see on this first tray of cookies, the snowflake on the right was drowned in a sea of red sugared sweetness when Mommy (very stupidly) handed over the entire, high-flowing container to Miss Priss to let her "have at it."

 

Mommy got a little smarter, and put the sprinkles in small cups.  But Priss periodically kept lunging for those plastic sprinkle containers!  She wanted to relive the magic!

As you can see, Priss really liked to aim her embellishments on one cookie that suit her fancy, which changed for each tray. 

I hear all the great artists started out with this technique.

 

Daddy got in on a little sprinkle action.  When Priss tried to zero in on that snowflake in this batch, he had the bright idea of spinning the cookie sheet around so she could embelish the others.

Ahhh!  But Priss is already smarter than Dear Old Dad, and kept piling it onto that snowflake, like nothing had happened!

 

It was a fabulously fun morning for everyone!

And now, as with all fabulously fun, NEW activities, Miss Priss wants to make cookies EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

Hmmm, maybe next Christmas!

Mommy and Daddy of the Week

This week's scouring of the Blogiverse brings us the story of a man working hard to be both father and mother to a 9-month-old little girl.  In a recent post, Matt of the blog Matt, Liz and Madeline recounts his bravery (at taking on Christmas crowds head-on) and ingenuity (when there were no ornament hooks), all to present a decent looking Christmas tree to his infant daughter - something he knew his wife would have wanted him to do.  Judging by the pictures, little Madeline seemed to appreciate it!

So, to Matt, Happily-Ever-After-Land is proud to present you with the title of both Mommy & Daddy of the Year, the last one for 2008!

PhotoStory Friday - Christmas Morning 2008

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Some of you may recall my fetish for the Christmas Morning Wear, since Sissy has very strictly forbidden me to even THINK about a festive Christmas sweater, or any other Christmas Gear. (A big thanks to all those that told me to just go for it anyway!  But you truly don't know the wrath of my sister!!!)

If you haven't noticed, today was Christmas. 

Yeah!  Really!!

And, as promised, I give you The Christmas Morning Wear of 2008.

(This is dedicated to all those [Ali, Home of the Lazy Dog, I'm talkin' to you!] who doubted my ability to pull off the leggings.  And also dedicated to those [Carol, my girl at She Lives] that share my same weird delusion that anyone over the age of 16 can pull off said leggings.)

This year's ensemble features red, long-john style leggings, a cream colored sweater coat topped off with a Christmas Tree broach and vintage slipper boots ("vintage" meaning "I bought them last year").

OK, if I tell you a secret, you have to PROMISE you won't laugh!

Promise?

OK.

That sweater came from Old Navy, alright - the MATERNITY department of Old Navy!  Yeah, it was the only sweater I could find in that store-that-thinks-I-have-the-body-of-a-twelve-year-old-boy that would look flattering on me!  I didn't realize what it was till I had already picked it out, and I started to put it back, but it was 60% off, so I was, all, Oh what the heck!

You totally PROMISED you WOULDN'T laugh!!!!

Hmm, what's that?  You want to see what's UNDER the sweater?

Why, you dirty birds!  Well, OK, but only because I'd love to see my stats go up, and I am totally into the bait and switch tactic of posting borderline risque phrases to attract ALL the wrong people!

Alright!  Close your eyes....

One....

Two.....

Three!

Of course, I mean that ONLY in the Christmas tree sense! 

HOPE YOUR CHRISTMAS WAS THE MERRIEST!!!

Dashing Through the Snow....Hope We Get It There!

THIS...



is the calendar on the United States Postal Services website that CLEARLY
declares Saturday, December 20th the LAST DAY to mail packages using
Priority Shipping and still have it reach it's final destination before Christmas.
 

THIS...



is the box of gifts I found in our guest room on Sunday. 
Yes, THAT Sunday, the day AFTER the LAST DAY
to ship Priority through the Post Office.

THIS...



is the louse who forgot to include that box with the rest
of the boxes that were taken to the Post Office on Saturday.
(Keep in mind this is the same "louse" who wrapped most of the presents
in said box, and the same "louse" who leaped out of bed the other night
to get me a glass of water because I was coughing and couldn't sleep.
Yes, THAT louse!)

And THIS...



is our dear First Born that had to be sold to UPS in exchange for delivering said box
by Christmas Eve so my cousins and nieces and nephews would not be left
in tears over the absence of our gifts on Christmas Day.
(On the plus side, more presents and cookies for me!  But she will be missed.
A little manual labor should be good for her!  I have a feeling brown will
become her least favorite color very quickly, though.)

What is it those football coaches say?  "You win as a team and you lose as a team."
So I do accept my part in this little mailing fiasco.  If I hadn't waited till the last minute
to get these gifts out the door, there would have been time to find the box and make
another trip to the post office.
So THIS...



would be Louse #2.
(Oh, and UPS, if you could just give that sweet girl right there a couple of
frozen waffles, toasted, every so often I would really appreciate it.  Thanks!)

Operation Stocking Stuffer

It's the final days before Christmas, folks!  And if you're anything like me, you're scrambling to get those last minute gifts and stocking stuffers. 

Hubby, you're not allowed to read this one so GO!  SCAT!!! 

I know you're still there.  Turn it off NOW!!!!

I love Christmas!!!  (Sorry, just had to throw that in there while we wait for Hubby to LEAVE!)

OK, so Miss Priss and I headed off to Marshall's and TJ Maxx, just the best stores to find the interesting and random gifts, perfect stocking stuffing goodness!  Here's a montage of both trips:

We found an item for Hubster right away.   It's a cooler to set his laptop on.  I didn't even know they made this stuff!

As we were checking out the Lounge wear in the Men's Department, Priss was hiding in the racks   while I tried to figure out what this was.  Yes, it's from the Junior's Department, and it scares me for two reasons.  1) It's a strip of sweater that is not large enough to adequately cover ANY part of a young lady and 2) somebody was actually HIDING this in the Men's Department so nobody else would buy it before they had a chance to!  Honey, don't you worry, I think this one's ALL YOURS!!!

Then we moseyed around the Christmas decorations.  I got a beautiful Lenox ornament for our tree, and I found the perfect little set of ornaments for Priss, Kitty Cats!  And they're UNBREAKABLE!  She'll be thrilled!  Of course, I'll probably have to let her play with them for a while - I don't think she'd understand that they are meant to just dangle from a tree branch and nothing more.  And I was thrilled to find some new pieces for my Lenox Christmas China Collection. Sure, they're small, but I consider butter spreaders ESSENTIAL to a proper dinner!  (Or breakfast or lunch or whatever you use your China for!)  And I was floored when I found this  .  These pieces are made in Deruta, Italy (I double-checked the bottom to be sure!) and the pattern is very distinct.  Hubster and I honeymooned in Italy and bought a whole box worth of this stuff while we were in Deruta, enough to outfit our kitchen.  Unfortunately, boxes don't travel well under a plane on international flights, and most of our pieces were broken.  We salvaged a few things - salt and pepper shakers, some canisters, a spoon holder.  What I found in Marshalls is not EXACTLY the same, it's made in Deruta, but probably a different factory than the one we purchased from.  I did get a gift for Hubster (you'd better not be reading this or you're dead meat!) though.  It's a chip & dip plate that looks the most like our set.  He'll be so surprised!  And I think I'll go back and get that pedestal bowl in that photo.  Do you have any ideas as to what to do with a pedestal bowl like that?  Make sundaes???

Anyway, I also spotted these for two bucks!  Hubster is the pancake maker, and I know Priss will be tickled when he makes her some heart shaped pancakes!

Priss found a few items of her own mini rolling pins!  Which is why the first rule of shopping with a two year old is to ALWAYS check the cart before getting to the register.  There's all kinds of surprises in there!

We headed to the Toy Department, where Priss perused the books while I found this little gem on clearance.  It's NEMO!!!  And I had to spend the rest of the trip telling Priss no, it was NOT Nemo and she was just seeing things!

We had so much fun finding all our stocking stuffers!  TJ Maxx and Marshalls are perfect when you don't know what to get (ie: The Hubster) but want to make it unique.  I mean, how can you NOT love a store that has a candelabra sitting next to a bull statue that's beside a large piece of tree trunk?  Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Giving wood for Christmas!"  (I see you laughing Hubs - you are NOT supposed to be here!!!)

Mommy of the Year - Toddler Terror Tactics

Hopefully by now, you've checked out the previous post highlighting the Santa visit Priss had last year.

If not, go do it now.  It's alright, I'll wait.....

-

-

All caught up?  OK. 

So this year, we've got a two year old on our hands and I was doing all within my power to make this lil' Miss Priss fall in LOVE with Santa Claus.

There were cartoons (everything on the Disney line-up, Tivo-ed!), there were books (Night Before Christmas and Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer), there were cookies, there were songs - we were Santa Claus all day, every day trying to brainwash my princess into at least LIKING the guy.

Actually, she didn't even have to LIKE him.  Just sit on his lap and NOT CRY.  I didn't even care if she smiled, just not crying would be considered a success!

The first phase of our mission was complete, as can be evidenced by the video, taken before the Santa Meeting of 2008.

She's so freakin' cute!

We practiced in the car:

Me: When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, what are you going to say?

Priss:  Pwe-sants!!!

Me:  And when Santa asks if you've been a good girl this year, what will you say?

Priss: 

Me:  Extra Good!

Priss:  X-ta Good!

Finally we were  at the mall.  A quick costume change in the car, and we were off to meet Santa!

Here's the short synopsis of how that went...

And the final result.... (drum roll please!)

 

Notice how she gave up the fight in that last one.  We may not have succeeded in our mission, but should I consider that progress?

I swear, most people save for their kid's College Fund - I think we're saving for our kid's Therapy Fund.

And to top it all off, this afternoon Priss saw these photos on the computer and said, "Priss ky-ing."

Hubby said, "Why were you crying, Priss?"

"Want...Mommy...back!"

Just stab me through the heart with a candy cane.

MOMMY OF THE WEEK 12/22

I am pleased to announce that last week's winner for Mommy of the Year (by a landslide of the only two people that voted!) is Musings of a Barefoot Foodie.  She wins a whole, fresh pizza pie BUT she has to come to Happily-Ever-After-Land to claim her prize!  (Brittany, just let me know when I can expect you!  Sure, you can bring the fam!)

This week has one and only one nomination for Mommy of the Year. 

(It would totally suck if she lost, huh?)

That nominee would be Kelly at Baby Boogers.

What's that, you haven't heard of Baby Boogers?

Well, perhaps you know her better as The Neurotic Mom!  Due to some legal issues (hey, it happens!) Kelly had to recently go through a whole identity crisis.

And the story of how she came up with the name Baby Boogers, well, let's say she really knows how to pick 'em!  (Har har! Bet nobody's ever thought of THAT joke before!)

In lieu of voting, just go check her out, leave some comments, follow her and subscribe to her feed.  

We at Happily-Ever-After-Land would be very thankful!

PhotoStory Friday - Here Comes Santa Claus!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

I don't know about you, but it has been one hell of a week here in Happily-Ever-After-Land!

These last few days saw a scrambling of craftiness and picture printing and wrapping and packing - all to make sure our families have their presents by Christmas morning.

This year we will be staying at the palace for Christmas.  No "National Tour" as I have dubbed the flight plan that takes us from one family to the other and back home again.  Psychologically speaking, I think my delay in preparing all of our gifts for mailing is due to my inability to admit that we will not be with family for the holidays.  That mailing away our big mound of presents would say, loud and clear, that we are staying home.

My mom would say that I'm just being lazy.

Mom's probably right.

In any case, we got the packages to the post office, and now that I have a moment of free time, I thought I'd post the (what's sure to be) dead-last link on the PhotoStory Friday list. 

But it'll be worth it, folks!

I have promised two bloggy friends that I would post Miss Priss' Santa picture from last year.  First promise went to Rachel of Following in My Shoes when she was disappointed that she had to take a crappy driver's license photo, while her darling daughter got a great pic with Santa.  Yeah, I consider her the Black Hole of the Blogiverse, cause you can't read just one post.  Go ahead, try it.  I dare you!

Second promise went to Jenni Jiggety of Jiggety Jigg, who was excited to have won a book entitled Scared of Santa - Scenes of Terror in Toyland.  Her blog I consider the Spaceballs of the Blogiverse.  She's so fun and zany, I consider all the belly laughs my ab workout for the day.

OK, enough talk.  Now presenting the photo Rachel WISHES she had in her album...

Priss was a little over a year old in that one!  Poor lil' thing.  And, yes, she calmed down and stopped screaming in the photo where I was sitting next to her.  But it didn't look nearly this cute!  (See, Rach, I told you her hairbow was too small!)

Next up, as an added bonus, is hubby's pic with Santa when he was around Priss' age....

In Hubster's defense, check out that creepy lookin' Santa!  He looks like he's just trying to get through this so he can rob the registers later that night!

I love that Hubs and Priss have the same cry.  Let's check 'em out side by side...

And he still throws tantrums EXACTLY like that too! 

Oh, umm, I mean, haha!  Good thing he grew OUT of that phase!!!

We're taking this year's Santa photo tomorrow morning.  I have done my damnedest to get Priss all excited about Santa.  She watches Santa cartoons and reads Santa books.  She squeals with delight any time we're out and see a Santa decoration.

Needless to say, I'm pretty sure she'll still be terrified.

I will post the final result!  Anyone have any good psychological reasons on why I might procrastinate on that task???

Cause I'm Really Just an Old Lady Trapped In a Young(ish) Body...

If you haven't been paying attention lately (which I'm sure is impossible because you all sit at your computers, just waiting for each and every post I create!) then you may have not noticed that I LOVE Christmas!

I love everything about it.  The decorations, the lights, the music, the shopping, the wrapping, the presents, the good wishes and cheer - it all puts me on Cloud 9!  (A pretty little cloud, with kitschy Santa Claus decor and red and green flashing lights, made out pumpkin pie, of course.)

But there is one piece of Christmas cheer that I have been told I am NOT allowed to partake in. 

As decreed by my sister, I am never to be seen with the true testament to all things Christmas - the embellished sweater.

Yes, folks, I'm looking forward to someday being sixty years old so I, too, can don a bright red cardigan (roomy, of course!) with a sequined Christmas Tree on one side and a puffy Santa Claus on the other.  Perhaps it will have flashing lights!  Oh, one can dream!!!

But for now, Sissy informs me that I am not even allowed to own one. 

She says I can't be trusted. 

<Sigh.>

But there is one piece of Christmas that Sissy has agreed to give me fashion control over - Christmas Morning!

Here is a photo of Miss Priss' very first Christmas, two years ago, when she was just a scant two months old....

Those boxers say "Merry Christmas" all over them, by the way. 

You know, not too many women are able to pull off this ensemble.

And I am 97% sure I am NOT one of those women!

(I think we all realize why Sissy gets to call the shots in the fashion arena!)

But look at that doll baby in my arms!  Was she EVER that small?  Anyway, back to the point....

It is another Christmas, and time to put together an equally FABULOUS Christmas Morning Ensemble!

As I was reading Carol over at She Lives terrific post about "giving back" during this holiday season, I got inspired.  But since all of my Christmas shopping is through, I thought that, perhaps, there was still a little philanthropy that I could accomplish through this last Christmas task!

Through Box Tops 4 Education, I am able to purchase my very posh, uber chic Christmas Morning Ensemble, and still have a percentage of my purchase go to the school of my choice!   And the Box Tops 4 Education Marketplace is full of fantastic stores like Victoria Secret, Kohl's, Target and Old Navy - which, coincidentally, is where the above outfit was procured (I don't know if that's a good or bad thing for Old Navy.  I expect they will contact me to request their name be removed in any connection with the above photo.)

Now, I wasted spent most of the morning hunting for the perfect outfit - these decisions can NOT be made lightly, after all - and I'm still undecided.  You, my devoted followers, will have to wait till the Christmas Post for the Big Reveal.

But I will give you one hint.  I am leaning toward these very subtle, subdued, I'm sure very flattering leggings...

Oh yeah!  Santa's gonna wanna stick around for this Hot Mama!

Mommy of the Year - Let Sleeping Babes Lie

Mommy (to her adoring husband):  She's sleeping with all her stuffed animals!  She looks SO adorable, I HAVE to take a picture!

Daddy: Well, there's the brand new camera over there.  Make sure the flash is up.  It's pretty bright, though.

Mommy:  I don't care!  She's SOOOO cute!

Yes, that's the middle of the NIGHT.

Yes, it looks like the middle of the DAY.

Well, at least I didn't wake her up....much!

-------------------

In my perusing of the Blogiverse this past week, I found a few bloggers out there who really, truly personify the Mommy of the Year.  Let me share their stories with you (in no particular order, of course!)....

1. In her post, Fear and Loathing on a Wednesday, bloggess Outnumbered Two to One shares her adventures in monster hunting AND bug battles!

2. Twinmama at Bringing Up Twins shows her double troubles what PROFESSIONAL whining looks like in her post, Quit Your Whining!

3. Kaui at How to Party with an Infant got to have the standard dinner conversation of what her daughter should say, should anyone ask to see her penis.  (Yes, you read that right.)  Check out Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Vagina.

4. Oh, the things us mom's go through when we're trying to bake up a healthy baby in our tummies!  Musings of a Barefoot Foodie makes the ultimate sacrifice in her post, My Breakfast of Champions.

Check 'em out, then come on back here and let me know who YOUR pick is for Mommy of the Year this week!  What will the prize be?  I wish I could say a cruise to Disney World (that would be the ultimate Mommy of the Year gift, now wouldn't it?) but it'll most likely be whatever I can dig out of my pantry.

Leave your votes in the comments!

(Disclaimer:  Being only HALF superhero, I'm unable to comb every inch of the Blogiverse, and, consequently, this is only a sampling of many of the wonderful posts I read this week.  If you, or someone you know, writes up a post that is most deserving of a Mommy of the Year trophy, please let me know!  Feel free to email a link to happilyeverafterland@gmail.com.)

PhotoStory Friday - O, Scoliosis Tree!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

'Tis that time of year when we deck the halls and trim the trees and turn our normally conservative home into a Christmas Wonderland. 

Last weekend saw the Lighting of the Tree here in Happily-Ever-After-Land.  And this week's PhotoStory follows the journey to make this magical Christmas moment happen!

This being only the second live tree we've been able to have in our short little married lives, Hubster had grand plans for chopping down our own tree.  There's nothing more manly than that!  But the nearest tree farm is an hour and half drive EACH way, not to mention the time we'd have to spend traipsing around in the cold damp air with a two-year-old before finally finding the Perfect One!

So we headed down to the Navy Exchange (like a small department store on base).

We only checked out half a dozen trees before spying the one we KNEW was perfect!  Onto the top of the car it was placed, and homeward bound we went.

That's Priss exclaiming in her loudest, screechiest voice, "CHRI-MAS TWEEEEEEEEEE!!"

The trunk was trimmed and the massive mass of branches was hauled into the house.  I'm sure you recognize this look...

Once the tree was lovingly plopped into the stand we realized we had neglected to check one thing before driving off with our purchase..... any other side of the tree but one!

O, Scoliosis Tree!  O, Scoliosis Tree!
Over to the side you lean thee!

Whoops.  Oh well!  We all have our little quirks, right? 

After carefully placing the tree on it's "good" side, and putting the toddler safely in bed, the Grown-Ups got to start trimming the tree!

But with that weird angle, we were having trouble getting the star on straight.  SEVERAL branches had to go. 

** Special Christmas Advisory **  When attempting to remove branches from a tree, try to figure it out BEFORE all the glass decorations have been put on.  And if it's too late for that, do NOT use a hacksaw that's cutting at about the same rate as a butter knife.  Otherwise, expect some of this....

After (miraculously) only ONE fatality (I mean, seriously, there really should have been more!  This tree was shakin' like a go-go dancer!), we were finished!

Oh, well, ALMOST done, anyway!  Turns out we didn't have enough lights to get all the way to the bottom. 

A trip to Walmart, and we finally had it done!

With one last touch - the angels and snowflakes that had been crocheted by my grandmother...

But from that one side, it still looks like the star's about to come toppling down!

What a very PERFECT Christmas Tree!