Happily-Ever-After-Land

Need Your Fix? Check Me Out Here....

Well, so far so good.  I've got a few applications returned to lease my house.  And today I will actually pull out the boxes!  I might even PACK something! 

In the meantime, you can check out my weekly post "The Meltdown" over at The Posh Parent.  Aside from the regular mix of celebrity shenanigans, I've added a little segment called "Where are they now?"  This week's actor is Chad Allen, from My Two Dads and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman fame.

Thanks so much for all of your support!  Your comments really help to boost my spirits!

Please don't think I'm dead...

I am not usually this scatterbrained in my posts (at least, I don't think I am, don't tell me if I'm wrong, I can only function in my delusions) but today has an enormous to-do list and I just wanted to give ya'll the what's what.

As most of you know, hubby will be back in a scant couple weeks.  And the moving truck pulls up the very next day.  So there will be quite a lot of packing going on between now and then.

Plus, I've got to rent out the house that I'm living in.  Definitely NOT one of my favorite things to do.

And on top of that, I'm getting a birthday party together for Miss Priss.  And me being me, I made her invitations and had spent this past weekend cutting them all out of cardstock.  Don't I ever learn???

So long story short, I won't be lurking around the 'net like I usually do.  I'll make sure to post my progress (so far I've cleared a space for the boxes to go - whoo hoo!) but I won't have much time for anything else. 

Thank you all in advance for sticking with me!  I already miss reading your blogs!  Please save all your funniest stuff for AFTER I get back to my regular routine!!!

I'll leave you on this note.  I watched King of the Hill while eating breakfast this morning, and the loser neighbor Bill said something that really rang true to the very core of my being.  Here it goes....

"My mom's fault.  When I was sad, she'd give me cookies.  But when I was happy, she'd give me cookies!  All my emotions DEMAND cookies!"

Amen, brother.

PhotoStory Friday - It's THOMAS!!!!

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Lil' Miss Priss is in LOVE with Thomas the Train.

She's barely ever watched the cartoon, so how the heck did this happen?

Well, her cousin owns every Thomas et. al. train in existence.  AND all the accessories.

And in spite of my daughter's oh-so-young age, she still wants to be JUST LIKE her older cousin!

So when we heard Thomas was coming to town, we knew we HAD to go. 

"We" would be Sissy and her man, his two kids, one kid's friend, Miss Priss and myself.  They were so excited when we told them they were going to meet Thomas!

Then WE found out it's THREE HOURS AWAY, in an itty bitty town called Boone, Iowa.

Stuck in the trap of "keeping our word," we rented a van, transferred the car seats, packed some lunch, stopped for coffee and we were on our way!

There was only one thing Miss Priss wanted to do during our long journey.....drink water.

Do you know what happens to a little girl who does nothing but drink water during the three-hour-long car ride that had ZERO rest stops because we left town late?

She walks like this when she finally gets out of the car.

Mommy earned her "Planning for Disaster" Badge by having the forethought to pack an extra outfit for just this type of emergency.

Seriously, my mom will be mortified that I'm telling you all this, but baby girl was standing beside me while I got her changing stuff together and I heard the weirdest noise, like water raining on plastic.  Yes, folks, she peed AGAIN and her diaper was SO FULL it was dripping down, splashity splash, onto her crocs. 

HA!

OK, moving on....

All Aboard!  We made it just in time to board the train and take about a bazzilion shots of all of us looking out the windows.

If you can even call them windows.  They were more like gaping holes that caused horrific images of my daughter tumbling out and getting her legs chopped off flash through my mind during the entire 30 minute ride.

But I swear, it really was fun!

The monkey ran up and down the aisle before Thomas started moving.  Check out the lady to the left of her.  She's got that "some mom's just REFUSE to keep their child under control" look. 

Whatever, lady, bite me!

Of course, have to throw in the "Artsy Photos of Wonderment."  I love these. 

But I have to admit, this one on the right was after the Wild Child had settled down a bit. 

She was insistent that she did NOT need mommy holding her around the waist.  She's an Independent Woman after all. 

Mommy, loaded down with visions of the look on Grandma's face if she had to tell her that granddaughter's legs were chopped off by a train, simply REFUSED to take the death grip off. 

Independent Woman finally stopped her squawking and enjoyed the ride.

How cute is she standing with Thomas down below?  It's her "I hear the train" pose.  That's her attempt to cup her hand around her ear.  Thanks, Mickey Mouse, for teaching her that one!

There was also a trolley we were able to ride the opposite direction down the tracks.  That's the engineer leaning against the house in the photo to our left.  He was a grizzled looking fellow, the type of guy a song like "Desperado" was written for.  You could see on his face that the tracks were not the chipper lifestyle Thomas makes them out to be.

And what's with the supposed "windows?"  Would it be too much to tack up some chicken wire or something?

Speaking of "less then chipper," my poor little snickerdoodle had NO NAP during this whole entire day!  So I saw the look to our right more often then I would have liked!

We had a wonderful day together!  And it was all thanks to Sissy.  I would have never had the initiative to get off my lazy keester and drive the kids for three hours to do this.  I only wish Priss could retain the memories of that day.  Good thing we've got so many pictures!  And her very own little Thomas the Train, that has since been driven all over the coffee table, up the walls, down my arm, in a myriad of shopping carts... 

Thanks for bearing with me on such a long post.  It was an opportunity to share our Thomas Trip with hubby as well as all my bloggy friends, without having to type it all out twice!

My Pretty Little Wrench

Anyone look at a calendar lately?

I caught site of one the other day, and it has thrown me into a PANIC.

Only two weeks till hubby is back and we have to move.  TWO WEEKS!!!!

And no, I can't just wait till he's back and make him do it.  We're loading the truck THE VERY NEXT DAY!

"Make a plan," my little Virgo Voice told me, all cool and calm and collected.  "Everything will be fine if you just have a plan!"

And so I did.  Miss Priss would go to sitter's Thursday and Friday this week, and I would focus on packing.

See, this is so serious, I'm not even doing the "focus on my blogging packing" line like I would usually do.

There is no time for funny, folks!  We have WORK to do!!!

Ah, but the best-laid plans are just waiting to have a little wrench thrown in.

She's an awfully cute little wrench, though, isn't she?  Poor lil thing has a cold.  She had a pretty good fever going yesterday, but today is much better.  Unfortunately, she's still hot, so I can't subject her germies to other kids.  (Although, the little brats were probably the ones that gave it to her, but I'm not bitter.)

I can tell she's doing better, as evidenced by these....

her "'parkly shoes" that she recently received as a gift from friends. 

She's been wearing them around the house every day since she got them (they're a wee bit big for outside), but not yesterday.  Too sick and hot and tired and snot-filled to think about her fave footwear.

"But the plan.  THE PLAN!!" Virgo Voice shrieked.

"Revise the plan," suggested Rational Voice.  "And Virgo, you need a rum and coke."

New plan goes as follows:

• Pack during naptime.  Maybe get two boxes done.
• Hopefully dump kid at sitter's tomorrow. 
• Keep fingers crossed that there's no fever, so dumping can be done.
• Pack, pack, pack, pack...all day Friday.
• Reevaluate on Monday.  If need-be, kid can LIVE at sitter's all next week.
• Deep breaths....

I think we'll be OK.  There will be a lot of positive thoughts going on. 

And cookie dough.  Lots and lots of cookie dough.

Look at all the SPARKLES on this thing!

Apparently, there really is such a thing as the "power of positive thinking."

Yesterday I told all of you how much I felt like a winner, despite being a loser, and how I'd wear my tiara around the house just to prove it.

The funny part of that -- I really did wear a crown around my house all day!  It wasn't intentional.  (At least that's what I tell myself.)  I needed a headband, and Miss Priss' headband with the little crown on top was lying within reach.  I spent the rest of the day with it on, and completely forgot about it till Sissy came by and was all "why is there a crown on your head?"  And I was all, "Jealous, biotch?"  And she was all, "No, but it makes you look fat, biotch."  See, totally jealous.

Can't you feel the glow of sisterly love?

Anywhoo, I didn't find out until later in the day that I was awarded with a crown ALL MY OWN!!!  Now introducing.....<trumpets, please>

"Sheeee's Miss Americaaaaaaa.  None caaan coooompare!"

I have spent today with said crown atop my head, cradling the now-dead flowers hubby sent me for my birthday and practicing The Wave (hand, hand, elbow, elbow). 

It's a little too hot for the gown right now.  I'll save that for tonight.

I am really so very shocked and awed that the lovely ladies of MomDot bestowed this award on me.  All I can say is a very heartfelt "thank you."  And blink the tears back into my eyes.

And thanks also to all the friends out there who have sent congratulating comments my way.  I appreciate them all!

OK, I'm ready for your red-lipsticked kisses now!

Happy to be a Loser

It has been announced that Jen at Posh Point of View is the new Homecoming Queen of the Mommy Blogging World!

Let's give her a round of applause!

And, as all beauty queen rivals do, a big, fat, red-lipsticked kiss right in the middle of her forehead!!!

I always love it when they do that.  It's the ultimate "you may have won, and I'm going to act like I like you, but really I'm just trying to make you uglier on national television!"  Oh, those crazy biotches!

Anyway, as Second Runner-Up, I'd like to thank all of you for playing along with our "frienemies" cat-fight.  Jen and I really had a terrific time trying to one-up each other, and I learned lots of new things to do with PhotoShop Elements!  Really, guys, I was amazed that I was even nominated, and I knew Jen would be the winner.  I never would have received the number of votes I did without her.  She was so nice to play-fight with me, she really didn't have to!

And apparently, I'm so good at the snarkiness, Jen has asked me to be a contributor on The Posh Parent! 

Hmmm, perhaps Jen is, as the saying goes, "keeping her friends close, and her frienemies closer?"

My articles will be an attempt to go all David Spade on the celebrities in a weekly synopsis called "The Meltdown."  Today is my very first article, please head over there and check it out!  And while you're at it, join the club!

Now, for the final tally of votes and my Nie Recovery Fund donation - the last I saw, I had 27.  Subtract 24 (the number of previous votes), then add 1 for Jiggety Jigg at least THINKING about blogging for me (check her out, she's wicked cool!), and you get......

Seriously, what do you take me for?  This is a DONATION to a REAL-LIFE FAMILY, for crimeny sakes!  As a thank-you to EVERYBODY that took time out of their busy lives to vote, and because I have the right to change all the rules if I want to (it is MY blog), I'm going to use the WINNERS rules.  Because, really, I feel like I've won!  I think I'll even wear my tiara today and ACT like I've won! 

Anyway, let me get my calculator......carry the two.....multiply by....OK!  I really only like numbers in multiples of five (I know, I'm weird) so let's round this puppy up to $45!  That's awesome, guys!  Kudos to you!  And if you'd like to send your own donation, please click here.

Thanks again, ya'll!  Big, fat, red-lipsticked kisses to all of you!!!

Pretty sweet animation, isn't it?  That would be courtesy of my friend Bill.  You can check some more animation at his hilarious blog I Animate You, or order up some you're own here!

Other People's Money

On Saturday I switched gears in the race for Homecoming Queen and offered to buy your vote for the Nie Recovery Fund.

This morning, I timidly visited the MomDot site to see how much I'd be in the hole for.

The results were, there's no other way I can put it, AMAZING!

Wanna know what that incredible amount is?  The amount of votes that I am now indebted for?

That would be ONE WHOLE DOLLAR!!!

Do you think they take checks?

COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!  Holy gee whiz and goodness gracious!  I can't believe I was even worried about this! 

I cannot BELIEVE I am reduced to begging YOU to spend MY MONEY!!! 

Here are the rules, one more time:

• On Saturday morning I had 24 votes.  Every vote I receive today (today's the last day for voting) equals $1 for the Nie Recovery Fund. 
• If the final tally puts me in second place, I will add in the 24 votes from before - that means an extra $24 for the Nielsons. 
• If I WIN I will increase the whole pot by 50%.
• For those that have already voted, but would still like to help, just post a message on your blog requesting readers to vote for me, and leave a comment back here saying you had done so.  That will add $1 more to the pot.

Alright, ya'll, the ball is back in your court.  Let's see what kind of damage you can do!  Vote HERE.

Laying Down Arms

My fave girl Jen over at Posh Point of View posted a very good likeness of me here.  I'm talking about the "After" picture, not the "Before."

Should I tell you all that the photo STILL turned my hubby on?  Throw a man at sea for six months, and cleavage in ANY package will do it for him!

The beautiful and sassy Jen also copped to being a G.R.I.T.S.  That's Girl Raised In The South.

Oh, how my mind whirled with the possibilities of THAT one! 

I thought of showing a photo like this and declaring it Jen's Posh Pad...

I even had thoughts of PhotoShopping something like this, and declaring it the REAL couple at home....

But Renee at Cutie Booty Cakes has been trying all week to get us bloggers to recognize International Peace Day, happening on Sept. 21st.  This being Sept. 20th, I decided to lay down my arms, er, shut down PhotoShop, and exude peace, love, and harmony to my opponent.

Well, and then there's the fact that I'm still in THIRD PLACE so my current ploy of ruthless "Mean Girls" attacks is not working!

Really, I blame all of you.

Regardless, I am switching gears.  I will BUY your votes!

Many of you are aware of the Nielson family and the recent plane crash that has put parents-of-four Stephanie and Christian Nielson in critical condition in a burn center.  You can read more about them here.

In an effort to assist this family with their mounting hospital bills and care of their children, I am pledging $1 for each vote I receive between now and the end of the competition on Sept. 22nd.  I currently have 24 votes.  If I am declared the second place winner, I will add the current # of votes into the tally.  If I WIN, I will increase the pot by 50%!  No worries if you've already voted, you can still contribute!  Just post a message on your blog asking readers to VOTE FOR ME, leave a comment here, and I'll add another $1 in. 

If the backstabbing won't get me the crown, perhaps some philanthropy will!

Happy Peace Day, ya'll!

Disclaimer:  I hate to do this, but knowing that there are freaks out there who live for this kind of stuff, I have to add that if the votes look like they've been rigged (ie: I win by 15,000) I will have the right to give whatever amount I see fit.  I think you can all understand, I have to draw the line at mortgaging my house!

PhotoStory Friday - A Vision of Loveliness

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Have I told you guys lately how much I LOVE my BFF Jen at Posh Point of View?  We are both up for Homecoming Queen in the MomDot Dottie Awards, and she has been so sweet and nice about the whole thing.  Check out the GREAT figure she gave me yesterday!

I can only dream of looking like that!

Since it's PhotoStory Friday, and since SHE started it with the photoshopping, I thought I'd show all you voters out there just what your future Homecoming Queen will look like. 

First, here's a picture of me and hubby at my birthday party a year ago.  Wouldn't he make a handsome Homecoming King?  Wouldn't you love to see us slow dancing under a spotlight, me in taffeta with an enormous corsage on my bosom, he in a tux with tails, trying to keep his hands off my ass...

And then there's Jen.  She's so pretty.  So perfect.  She'd really look lovely in that crown!  Let's just take a look-see....

Oh, well, yeah.  "Isn't she loooovely?  Isn't she woooonderful?"  I'm pretty sure Stevie was NOT referring to this Queen!

And now it's up to you America!  Decide who would make the BEST LOOKING Queen (hint:  pretty sure it's ME!) and vote HERE!!!

As American as Apple Pie

Jen at Posh Point of View was so kind to suggest a new gadget to help me with my head cold.  Thanks, Jen, I could really use something like that!

See, isn't she really so kind?  So pretty and perfect and kind -- she would make such a fantastic Homecoming Queen!

And she's so very fashionable!  I mean, anyone that throws around the word "posh" with such ease HAS to be a style maven!

I hear she buys knock-offs, though.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.  Unless, of course, your are buying those knock-off purses from those guys on the street that support illegal activities.

So if you want to support drug dealers, vote for Jen.

If you LOVE AMERICA, vote for ME!!!