I had somehow developed a canker sore right in the very center of the inside of my right cheek. You know, that spot where your upper row of teeth and your bottom row of teeth meet when you're chewing your food? Yep, right there.
I don't think I've had a canker sore in that spot since I had my braces taken off during those self-esteem-killing teen years. I had forgotten what a horrible spot that is. Unlike other sores where you spend the week keeping the food you're chewing solely in one side of your face (making you look like a lopsided chipmunk at mealtimes), in this case, I also had to limit the act of chewing itself, since it would cause my teeth to irritate the sore that much more.
And, wouldn't you know it, all I wanted was cookies.
But no, I stood strong!
OK, that's a lie. That makes me sound brave or something. I stayed far, far away from anything containing sugar or acidic foods like tomatoes because it just HURT. And it hurt SO MUCH!!!!!
Oh, and I wanted pizza. I wanted pizza so, so bad.
If you know me, then you know that I'm an avid tea drinker. Actually, I refer to myself as a "Tea Whore" because I have become so snobbish about where and how my teas are prepared. However, if I were truly a "snob" I would be partaking in loose leaf tea by now, using those little metal holders and gently pouring not-quite-boiling water into delicate china tea pots. But I'm not. I have stuck with the bags and my oversized coffee mugs, which definitely puts me into a "High-Class Tea Whore" category, dontcha think?
So I'm riding out this horrible canker sore, waking up every day hoping to find it healed up so I can EAT something BAD for me. And I've got maybe a couple days left before that's gonna happen, when I grab my big-ass mug of tea and, with no precautions whatsoever, take a swig.
OOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
I burned my tongue. Not just a little. Like, the worst tongue burn I've ever had in my whole life.
I've burned my tongue before, I thought, it'll be fine by tomorrow.
The next morning, the sore had finally almost healed!
But my tongue was killing me.
It felt like there were four or five canker sores all over the tip of it. And, oh!, how it hurt!
It'll heal up quick, I told myself, my tongue always heals faster!
Meanwhile, I'm still stuck eating only foods for basic, life-sustaining purposes. Absolutely nothing fun. And can I mention that you don't realize how much time you spend using your tongue to pick bits of food out of your teeth until there is shooting pain every time you try to do so???
The next day, of course, my cheek was healed, and my tongue still hurt like hell.
Why??? I had asked in my head, to nobody in particular.
And then I remembered. Hadn't I prayed? Hadn't I prayed to God that whole week before to help veer me away from the temptation of emotional eating? A place that I could so readily go to when there's a candy jar sent straight from the Good Ship Lollipop and a whole shelf in the door of the fridge dedicated to chocolate???
I chuckled, and thought to myself, "Guess I'd better CLARIFY what I'm praying for next time!"
Although, I am now remembering that within that same breath of prayer I had also asked for assistance in steering clear of another personal vice...
Television.
"Dear God, If I may please add one small, tiny addendum. In regards to this whole "television" thing, please, please refrain from the burning of my eyeballs.... Thanks!"
If you checked out my blog post over at Tidewater Women (and if you haven't, then you need to click here) then you already know that a picture of Miss Priss and Lil Miss Sunshine smiling, together, is about as elusive as a spotting a Yeti riding a unicorn.
But last Sunday was Mother's Day and, personally, I believe in the Miracle of Mother's Day. I subscibe to the thinking (and right now, the thinking is mostly in my own head) that Mother's Day is when good fortune is meant to shine down on Mothers all over the world!
And the Mother wanted a picture with her girls. Not just OF the girls, mind you. WITH them.
So, of course, we went out for ice cream first.
Because the other half of Mother's Day fortune is recognizing that the only reason you have been blessed with the title is because of the little people you've got constantly underfoot.
The ice cream trip started off well....
.....then spiraled out of control!
Yep, looks like we're ready!
We headed to a park in the neighborhood, where buttercups had not yet been ruthlessly mowed over and got to work.
Success! One decent photo of the three of us. But wait! During this one-day-only, super duper Mother's Day Special, I was able to get TWO photos for the price of ONE!
Now how great is THAT??? Let this be proof to you all. Never doubt the Miracle of Mother's Day!
Every so often a friend asks me how I am liking the Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis program that I have been (literally, as you are about to see) working my ass off with.
"Have you noticed a difference?" they would ask.
"Oh, yeah!" I would say exuberantly. "I'll be posting the results really soon!"
And by "really soon" I apparently meant "two months from now."
(Quick tip: if I ever ask you to babysit and tell you that I'll be back "really soon," it would be a wise idea to get a firm timeframe and then text me every thirty minutes until I return! Unless, of course, I'm paying you, in which case you will find me extremely prompt.)
I have been diligent about keeping records of my progress with Tracy.
Every ten days, like clockwork, I grab my Tracy Anderson tape measure and, while wearing the exact same clothes at the exact same time of day and standing in the exact same spot, document the progress that I have been making.
And there IS progress, people!
I have passed the 60 day mark (out of the 90 days of Metamorphosis) and, in retrospect, I am glad that I waited.
I feel much more confident explaining how my body has transformed after 60 days than I would have after only 30. Mainly because somebody besides my husband finally NOTICED! To be honest, though, it was my friend who was on painkillers for a broken rib at the time, so it's possible she was delusional. But I'll take it! (Thanks, Julie!)
But you don't care about my feelings!
You just want the results already!
OK, here it goes....
Day 1 Day 60
Bust: 36" 35"
Arm: 11.5" 11.25"
Waist: 31.5" 30"
Belly: 34" 31.5"
Hips: 42" 40"
Thigh: 24.5" 23"
Weight: 146.4 136.2
So how about that!
I suppose I should explain what a couple of these numbers mean.
I have a diastasis, which means my abdominal muscles did not come all the way back together after having my (totally ungrateful) children, so my tummy pooches out a bit. A lot. OK, depends on who you ask!
So I measured at the smallest part of my waist (hence, "waist") and then at the largest part, which is around my belly button. As you can see, quite a difference there!
Sure, losing ten pounds will help your middle whittle, but I have weighed in at this amount before, and my tummy did not change a whole lot. Tracy has a lot of fantastic abdominal moves that work the midsection in ways nothing else ever has!
And check out those hips! It's still hard getting used to wearing pants and not feeling the fabric stretch tight like a drum across my round rumpus. And then there's my underwear! I thought I owned bikini-style underpants, but now that they are no longer stretched to the max horizontally, they are sitting up above my hip bones. I never thought I'd be bragging about my (practically, almost) Granny Panties!
Mostly, though, I'm feeling good. Stronger, and fitter, and slimmer. I ordered Continuity (the continuation of the program after Metamorphosis) today.
And once I'm done with my 90 days of the same Dance Cardio video, I'm really looking forward to the new Cardio that's on its way to my mailbox!
Now, there is OH so much MORE I could tell you about Tracy, but it would add up to the longest post in the world! So I'll split it up and delve into other topics like "Dance Cardio" (aka: How I'm A Slacker) and "Diet" (Not Exactly Tracy Approved). Of course, I'll be getting to these topics soon.
Yeah. REALLY soon.
(PS - I have in no way been compensated by Tracy Anderson. All the views expressed are totally my own.)
(PPS - However, if Tracy would like to compensate me in some way, I would absolutely not be offended. It doesn't even have to be money. I would happily accept a week's stay at her new spa in the Hamptons! Or, you know, a hand towel. Whatever she wants to offer!)
I am so excited to announce my newest position as blogger for the local publication Tidewater Women Magazine!
Well, their website, anyway.
Now, I would love to tell you this is a paid gig.
<silence>
Hey, who needs money? I do this for the art!
And the deadline!! I have a real actual deadline for a real actual publication('s website)!!!
Three deadlines, actually. You will now be able to find me on or about the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month.
I have two posts sitting over there for you to enjoy. I didn't want to make this announcement too soon, the editor still had a chance to realize what a nut-job I am and rescind the offer!
But with two in the can, I think she's kind of stuck with me now!
So head on over to my newest blog, aptly titled Happily Ever After (I can't imagine how they landed on that moniker!) over at tidewaterwomen.com. And make sure you leave a comment.
Everyone knows it's way harder to get rid of a nut-job who has a following.
There are lots of topics on the "To Be Avoided At All Costs" list when participating in a discussion with one's women's-only bible study group. I thought I was aware of the most important ones, like politics or which morning show is better (for the record, it's the Today Show). But I have managed to stumble right into yet another one.
Vampires.
Well, I didn't "discover" it, so much as "stepped into it like a big stinky mound of poo."
My bible study group and I are currently working on an in-depth study of The Book of James. There is almost-daily homework involved, as well as a weekly video and group discussion.
And there lay my fatal flaw. I should have done. the. homework.
I did SOME of the homework. But if I'd completed all of it, I, perhaps, would have spared my dear fellow bible-studiers a bit of anxiety.
The class leader pointed out in our workbooks that there were four seemingly-odd rules that James had declared were necessary to become a Christian.
Nope, not the ones you'd think! Not regular stuff like "getting baptized," or "feeding the poor," or "standing in the crowd at the Today Show."
James Rules for Becoming a Christian
You cannot partake in:
1) food polluted by idols
2) fornication
3) meat of strangled animals
4) blood.
I think you all know by now that my brain works in strange and mysterious ways.
And I try, folks, to keep my internal editor set to "high" just to spare most of you the very odd, sometimes troublesome things that float around in there.
However, I did NOT do the homework. And the "editor" was watching a rerun of Friends.
Because while my wonderfully cerebral friend, Christina, made the more obvious connection that these rules had to do with Christians and Non-Christians DINING together, and that "blood" really meant raw vs. cooked meat, I blurted out...
"VAMPIRES! Obviously, he was having trouble with the VAMPIRES!!!"
I thought this was very hilarious and quite witty of me, so I continued blabbering something else about vampires being such a problem back then, awaiting the roar of laughter about to roll out from my classmates.
It. Did. Not.
The silence was deafening, and thrdw me into a mild panic - had missed something? I was still chattering like a deranged squirrel when someone finally piped up, "are you serious?"
The #1 Rule of Humor is as follows: If you have to explain the joke, then it's just not funny.
I believe the #2 Rule of Humor is: If you can hear a pin drop in a crowded room, then YOU are just not funny.
However, once the ladies realized that I did NOT believe James was some sort of Vampire Slayer for Jesus, the roar of laughter finally ensued.
Not because I was funny, mind you. Because I was so unbelievably stupid!
Although, amongst all the women exclaiming at once how they thought I was being serious, Tammy piped up that she thought it was funny and almost laughed, but no one else was laughing, so she wasn't sure.
Yeah, Tammy totally gets me.
My friend Debbie later told me on Facebook that I set the record for longest stunned silence in the history of the class.
I really hope there's a plaque involved with that title.
I ran into Mary after the service on Sunday, and she said to me, "Well, I thought you were being serious, and I wasn't too sure about that. But then I thought, well, I really like her, so, you know..."
"So you would have put up with me believing in vampires??? Mary, that's about the nicest thing anyone has ever told me!"
It wasn't the funny I had expected, but it was the funny I got, which was still so totally worth it.
But, I do want to set the record straight. I don't want anyone thinking that I'm some crazed "Twilight-er" fan who desperately believes vampires are real.
That is so ridiculous! Although I love watching those History Channel shows that delve into the origins of the legends, I in no way believe that vampires actually exist!
So ludicrous.
What we really have to watch out for are the Zombies. Oh, and the Werewolves, of course.
If you are one of the five people paying attention to this blogger lately, then you know that Miss Priss played hookie from school on Friday, and she, Miss Sunshine and I jetted down to the Outer Banks to hit the beach with a good friend and her kids.
Fun, fun, FUN!!
And I was so smart about it, too.
"It's too cold to swim," I'd told myself, "we'll wear regular clothes and play in the sand for a little bit. We won't need to change into any fresh clothes when we're done. Towels? Nah! Not getting wet! Just a little sand!"
Yes, apparently, I woke up in some sort of hallucination where my 2 and 5 year olds were now ADULTS.
How did it go, you wonder?
Despite being fully clothed, Priss headed straight for the water. It seems she has suddenly developed the superpower of no longer detecting ubber-frigid water temperatures. (But, never fear Evil Villains - just throw some luke-warm water on her. She still screams that it's "toooo hoooootttt!!!!")
She'll dry, I told myself, as I sat under my umbrella supervising.
Then, without warning, she flipped her blond head over and, touching her toes, dipped those silky tendrils straight into the depths of the ankle-deep ocean beneath her.
Crap.
By the time she ran back up, plopped her body down beside me, and, using her dampened arms and legs, began the repeptitive motion of making "Sand Angels," I was fully aware of the lostness of this cause.
Sunny, meanwhile, (who, incidentally, has the superpower of being wholly unafraid of swimming pools) has, thankfully, a terrifying fear of the ocean. I think it's the waves - although on these beaches the "waves" barely reach her knees, it is a fear I plan to encourage!
But who needs water, ponders our little Sunshine?
Then she promptly and unceremoniously began the first-ever practice of the (soon-to-be) Olympic sport of Sand Swimming!
You can analyze her technique over to the left.
Oh, and, she won. (Of course.)
She followed up her Olympic Workout with a cool down of Log Rolls.
Good thing I had taken off her skirt. It was the only thing I had on-hand to knock (barely) some of the sand off their little bodies!
But no worries, folks, I did have the forethought to sunscreen 'em up before letting them loose on that sandy, salty, sunny shore!
Of course, YOURS TRULY did NOT require ANY sunscreening. After all, I was just going to sit and chat with my girlfriend under my SPF umbrella.
And, if we're going to be honest here, I'm feeling just a wee bit jealous.
What could possibly shatter my delicate hold on reality, you wonder?
One word.
Nanny.
Oh, people. People, people, peeeeeeople....
(You can hear the whining already, can't you? It just OOZES out of your computer screen.)
As most of you know, I've been around the Blogiverse for quite a while. But in the last couple of years, I've had a lack of consistency with my ramblings, er, postings. There are loads of reasons for this, and since it's not the point of this post, I'm not going to delve into that muck right now (plus, The Hubster is on a run and is expecting the Little Woman to have started dinner when he gets back - somebody better message the Little Woman). What's important is that I want to write. I need to write. And I have a renewed commitment to writing!
Now somebody notify my kids.
So there's this Hot New Blogger that's been at it for over a year now, with this great following, and everybody loves her. Or, at least, the people who comment love her, and that's close enough to "everybody," right?
She's got two kids.
I'VE got two kids!
She stays home with 'em.
I stay home with 'em TOO!
And she posts just about every day.
Which is where our similarities part ways.
I do not regularly read her blog, just a post here or there. So, truthfully, I did not know that much about her beyond what I just mentioned above. But I held her up on a pedestal!
She PARENTS! She BLOGS! How does she DO it all????
Are you ready to go on a Tangent? OK, hold onto your bootstraps, cause here....we....gooooo!!!!
Hubster took me skiing with his parents when we were oh so young and happy and childless and carefree! I had only been skiing twice before that - in IOWA, mind you - back in high school. "I know what I'm doing!" I promised. "Don't worry about me!"
The second I pushed off the top of Big Bear Mountain out in California, I realized quickly that I was VERY WORRIED about ME!!!!
I had no idea what I was doing. I went screaming down that sheet of snow like Wyle E. Coyote with the grace of Goofy. I was too afraid to fall, that I would break something or run into a tree, so I kept going at my ever-increasing break-neck speed and prayed that somehow SOMETHING would make me fall and NOT kill someone ELSE in the process!
It was horrible.
Yet, there I was on Day 2, perched at the top of that mountain (after a few lessons from Hubs), petrified to try it again. (And you know once you've taken that chair thingy up to the top, there is no WAY you are catching a ride back down. There is only one way down, baby!)
So, with my skis angled into each other, I eeked my way down the face of that cliff. (They called it the "Beginner Slope," but I knew better by then.)
Soon into it, I noticed this little girl in front of me. About 5 or 6 years old, she was skiing with no poles, just skis on her feet, angled into each other just like mine. Her dad was obviously wishing he was on the Diamond slopes (which, conveniently, was where Hubs ran off to, leaving Wyle E. all on her own) because the guy would ski a ways down, then wait, wait, wait for his little girl to catch up.
"If she can do it, I can do it."
It was my mantra. I told myself that phrase about 500 times as we timidly made our way down, down, down. That phrase kept my brain from terrorizing itself, whenever it tried to remember the events of the previous day.
The poor little thing even fell a couple of times, and I would ski over and scoop her back up.
NO, I was NOT being "NICE." I NEEDED her!!! I could NOT make it down that mountain without my little lucky charm, showing me, just be EXISTING, that if a five-year-old could make it down and not DIE, then, doggone it, I can, TOO!
So this new blogger-woman was my newest motivator. If SHE could take care of her kids, and her home, and her blog and not DIE, then, doggone it, I can, TOO!!!
But as I opened up my Typepad this afternoon, feeling a need to write but not really knowing what about, I saw this other blogger's feed on my homepage.
"I'll read just one little post," I told myself, "to get the juices flowing."
And there it was.
N-A-N-N-Y.
Not that she hid it, because she didn't. And not that I have anything against nannies, because I don't. And not that her life isn't fraught with it's own day-to-day problems and challenges and what-nots.
It's like I just found out my five-year-old lifesaver was actually on a motorized conveyor belt.
So I will be looking for a new Bloggy Wonder Mom that I can hitch my ski poles to. I know they are out there, the ones that keep house and raise kids and do cool stuff and blog about it. Actually, I already know some amazing and talented women who do just that.
I guess I was just sucked into the shiny newness of this one.
As some of you already know from my previous post, I have recently been indoctrinated into the Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis workout series. Last week's post was a rehashing of my lifelong fitness quest - one that was (not surprisingly) totally lackluster - until it culminated with the discovery of The Tracy Anderson Method. Will this, my new-found passion, be the ticket to a healthy well-being?
After that first post, I had a few inquiries as to what the heck I was talking about, and what sort of guru am I hitching my wagon to THIS time? Hence, this follow-up to (hopefully!) shine a bit of light on the what's what of this program.
First, a little background (aka: what I read in the book). Tracy Anderson began developing her Method about ten years ago. Her background is in dance, and you can see the influence of that in many of the movements. She eventually became Madonna's trainer and (I think) that's when people started to notice her. She and Madonna had some kind of falling out (that was NOT in her book, THAT was found somewhere on Google), but Tracy has had a string of celebrity clients ever since. Names like Shakira, Courtney Cox, Zoey Deschanel, and her most vocal client, Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth believed so much in The Method that she became a partner and helped bring the Metamorphosis program to market.
Tracy (yes, we are on a first-name basis. I am on a first-name basis with anyone I see every single morning!) initially released a few DVD's here and there. Titles like "Dance Cardio" and "Post-Pregnancy Workout." Then she released her "Design Series," which was a set of three DVDs. Then came the book (as previously mentioned) and now the "Metamorphosis" program, followed by Continuity (but I'll get to those later).
Just tell us WHAT it IS already!!!!!
OK, ok, cool your jets!
Essentially, her program consists of two things - Dance Cardio and Muscular Structure Work.
The first time I saw (and tried to perform) the "Dance Cardio," I thought, this is absolutely NOT dancing. This is just jumping around like an idiot!
Until I eschewed the icky background music on the video, and supplemented with some upbeat tracks from my iPhone that one would actually DANCE to, and my tune changed.
OH! OK, with the right music, this IS more like dancing!
But, to be really totally honest, it is a lot of jumping around like an idiot. Tracy does not even remotely look like an idiot. She is very svelte and totally gorgeous dancing around like she's doing an Irish jig. Even her jumping jacks look HOT.
I look like the idiot. Because Tracy is not terribly instructional on her videos. (And by "not terribly instructional" I mean "there's about 30 seconds worth of voice-over, and that's it!)
Don't get me wrong, it is ultimately one of the reasons I love the program so much! Part of my boredom with other videos is that it gets really old listening to the instructor say the same thing day in and day out.
BUT, that means you've really got to pay attention and be on your game. Not too bad, actually, I find that it keeps my mind focused.
To help you visualize what all this Dance Jumping looks like, I've got a handy YouTube video to share. (See, I do all the visualizing work for you!)
See what I mean??? The Metamorphosis video I have has less arms and fewer spins, but PLENTY more jumping jacks. And she wants that done 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week.
But what about that asthma you mentioned before? Isn't your body rejecting this kind of stuff???
Well, for some reason, jumping doesn't affect my lungs as much as running. Maybe because I'm moving in all directions, instead of just forward, I'm using more muscles? I don't know. I still have yet to do the whole 30 minutes without have to "walk it out" in the last half, but my endurance is really improving!
Wouldn't a good, long walk work just as well? It all burns the same calories, right?
Actually, Tracy says no. In her book she talks about the research that went into using this type of cardio, versus running, walking, or whatever else. She swears the one that made the biggest impact on her clients was the Dance Cardio/Jumpin' 'Round Like An Idiot workout. So I'm sticking with what Boss Lady tells me to do!
Onto the second half of the program - the Muscular Structure work.
I'm not even sure where to start on this one!
It has a bit of dancey-looking arms, some very different, ab-annihilating crunches, and finishes off with some1980's, Jane-Fonda-style-on-steroids leg lifts. But it's only 30 minutes!
Alright, let me see what I can find on YouTube to help you with your visualizing.
This is a great little instructional video! But let me make it clear that in Metamorphosis, there is NO instruction as to what you are doing or why you're doing it. Which is why the book really comes in handy to help with understanding the moves. Also, I am absolutely NOT doing 100 reps of anything! In this program, she does 40 reps, max. At least so far! (Oh, Lord, please let there be no more than 40!!!)
Arms are first done with no weight and movements are pretty fast. Then you pick up your 3 lb. weights, and work those arms a little more. It LOOKS easy. And I do make it through all the motions. But my shoulders have definitely felt the burn when it's time to put those weights down!
Next up is abdominals, starting with standing abs. Moving your rib cage and hips back and forth, in opposition to each other, you get to feel like a hip-hop star!
Then, it's time to hit the floor. The biggest difference with Tracy's ab work is that she like to perform the mini-crunches (lifting just your head and shoulders off the floor) with the legs straight, not bent like we all have not-so-fond memories of being forced to do in high school gym class.
If you survive abs, Tracy attempts to finish you off with leg work. This is done mostly in that old school style of "four on the floor." In other words, you are on your hands and knees with one leg at a time kicking backwards, forwards, to-the-side, and even at a diagonal. It hurts. No, I mean it, it HURTS!!! But I have had no problem with my knees or my wrists (despite having a ganglion cyst in one that should be making this unbearable). No, what hurts is my ass, my hips, and some deep place in the inner-most regions of my thighs. And yet, in some weird, twisted way, I look FORWARD to this work. I may not be able to do ALL the reps, but I look forward to seeing how many more I'm able to accomplish each morning!
Which leads me to the schedule. I don't know what she recommends on her previous DVDs - I have yet to own one of those. But I do know how it works with the book and Metamorphosis (Meta, for short).
The book is a "Bootcamp." It is meant to be completed in 30 days and is more intense than Meta. And "more intense" is really simply "more time-consuming." Tracy would like you to dedicate between 1 1/2 to 2 hours per day, six days a week. Which was why I never got around to doing the workout in the book. 2 hours?? EVERY DAY???? It sounded much too daunting. And I was a bit afraid of the cardio. And I tried some of the muscular work, but felt like I was doing it all wrong. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that the book comes with a DVD in the back. If I had popped that in, I would have felt much less confused!
Eventually, I decided I was really going to commit to a program - no matter what. And after checking out Meta for about a year, decided to take the plunge and just do it! (The rational side of my brain did note that there is a good resale value for the program on Ebay - just in case!) Meta comes in, what Tracy terms, "Centrics." Each centric targets your particular problem area, or where you tend to gain weight. They include Abcentric, Hipcentric, Glutecentric, andOmnicentric. I think you can guess what area each one emphasises, except Omni. Omni is for women who tend to gain weight evenly all over. BK (Before Kids) I would have been Glute or Hipcentric. But AK (After Kids) I have been gaining weight in the middle before anywhere else, so I purchased Abcentric. There is a handy dandy quiz that Tracy has posted, to help you decide which centric you are. I don't know what the differences are between the centrics. From what I understand of what others have posted, the exercises are pretty much the same, but will be in a different order, or have a couple of omissions or additions. The initial program is 90 days worth of workouts - so 9 muscular structure programs that you change every 10 days - and one Dance Cardio video. The workouts consist of 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of muscle work. One hour total. Absolutely doable! Of course, we are talking about six days a week. Admittedly, that was a little rough at first. (Super Secret Insider Tip: It is advisable that you do NOT begin this program the week of Valentine's Day!)
Once the 90 days are over, Tracy offers a Metamorphosis Continuity program. Every 90 days they will ship you another 90 days worth of workouts, in your centric, for $29.99/month. This is very exciting to me! Unlike other DVDs that come out with a handful (at most), Tracy will stay with you for YEARS!
And that's it! There you have it - The Not-So-Short Explanation of the Tracy Anderson Method! I hope this answers some of your questions. Next up, you can look forward to my thoughts on the Meta eating plan (did I mention it comes with a diet? Well, it does!) and letting you in on what has "metamorphosized" from my first 30 Days of Metamorphosis!
It has always been this strange enigma. Even before I had kids.
The question? Where and how and how to fit fitness into my life.
I don't think my question is at all unique. I think most women find themselves on this lifelong quest to figure out how to make exercise work. Work within your schedule. Work within your body's constraints. Work withOUT being totally BORING!!
Let's face it, most forms of exercise are tedious.
Years ago, it was yoga. And while I appreciated the new-found flexibility, the repetition wore me out. If you've done one Sun Salutation, you can pretty much expect to do about twenty more.
Believe it or not, I did try running. You know, they say college is the time for experimenting!
I should preface this with the fact that I have asthma. A very mild form of exercise-induced asthma. That's right, my lungs actually REJECT exercise. Nice! I went to a pulmonary specialist (that's a "lung doctor" for the rest of you) and he determined, with all his fancy machines, that I have the lung capacity of a smoker. (Making me all the more thankful that I never once decided to experiment with that nasty habit!)
But I dislike taking medication, especially for something that is not actually going to kill me. So, when I had decided, on that fateful day, to make myself a runner, I knew it was going to take a while. I woke up early, ran as long as I could - which totaled about thirty seconds - then walked until I could breath again (probably five minutes), then ran again. I wasn't following any kind of program, I just did what felt OK. And eventually, about a month later, I had worked up to running for ten minutes straight. Yay, me!
And then I quit.
Running, as it turns out, was exactly what I thought it would be - very. boring.
Maybe I had an inability to hit that all-important "Runner's High," due to my inability to keep breathing long enough to actually get to one.
And I know LOTS of people LOVE running - my husband included. Shoot, a couple of years ago, he ran an "Ultra Marathon." 50 MILES, people. 5-0. I mean, what? But he did it, and I was (and still am) very proud of his accomplishment. But running just isn't for me.
I joined a gym. "I'll do the elliptical," I told myself. At that time the elliptical was all the rage as the ultimate form of getting fit. And with the level selection, I could actually pace myself and keep breathing for longer amounts of time.
But the elliptical, that powerhouse of fitness, proved to be, well, boring. Even my feet hated it. I would keep adjusting - positioning my feet higher up, no, maybe farther down - hmmm, I walk like a duck (per my sister) maybe I need to angle them out? No, nothing worked. After ten minutes, my shoelaces would feel too tight and my poor tootsies would be longing for a real floor. Twenty minutes, and they would start to turn numb. So was my brain.
I should do videos! - my next big decision. But nothing ever really stuck. Not Crunchless Abs, or Tae-bo, or Yoga Booty Ballet. Nothing ever really held my interest and I never did any of them consistently.
Classes!, I had said to myself. That's the ticket! The closest I came to consistency was when I had done Les Mills' Body Pump when Miss Priss had been a scant two years old. There was music and other people and teachers that I really liked. I have a very distinct memory of standing in a dressing room at the mall, in the midst of trying on pants, and realizing that my butt looked almost like a Victoria Secret model.
Really! It really did!!!
I know, without pictures, I have no proof. But I can testify that I was feeling very good and (perhaps overly?) confident about myself!
Which lasted about three months. Why? Because my knees hurt. My knees were sore ALL the TIME! And remember, I don't do drugs. So I quit.
"There has to be a better way," I thought, "than doing 200 squats and lunges."
Zumba was the next fad to drift into my crosshairs. But it is a fad that I really, truly love! However, it can feel a bit like dealing with multiple personalities. The music and pace are determined by the teacher. So one class may have more hip-hop, American music with a teacher who will demonstrate multiple levels. And another class can have all Latin music with a teacher determined to make you pull something by the end of the hour. The gym I belong to now, here in Virginia, has Zumba classes at pretty much all the wrong times of my day. The only ones my life permits me to attend are Tuesday afternoon and Friday morning. And while the long breaks in between do give my knees a nice rest, it is not the type of schedule that is going to give me Vicky's Ass again.
All the while I had been checking out celebrity bodies and googling what type of diet and exercise they were using and who their fitness gurus were. (Let me set the record straight right now - I do NOT "follow" celebrities. I don't care much what happens in their late-night escapades, who wore it best, or who is fueding with whom. But I do enjoy reading the covers of the trash-talk magazines in the checkout line!) I can't recall where I first saw Tracy, or which celebrity they were talking about in reference to her. But, somehow, I landed on her website, and then signed up for her email list. I was fascinated. Still, I wasn't sure what her program was, exactly, and her videos were pretty pricey. I really did not want to add another exercise video to my already bulging TV cabinet.
Weeeellllll.... I never really got around to it. I did some of the exercises. But they are very different, and I never felt like I was doing them correctly.
Then Tracy (yes, we are on a first-name basis) released the Metamorphosis program. 90 days. All on DVDs. It was so enticing!
And expensive.
Did I really need this? Was it really going to work? Was I really going to STICK with it???
A good six months later, I finally caved.
And I am so glad I did! I am in LOVE with this program!! It is like nothing else out there! And since the workout changes every ten days, boredom is a thing of the past!! I am currently on Level 2, and am so excited for Friday to get here so I can begin Level 3!!!
However, I can never truly trust my Will Power to hang in there for very long. Which is why I am typing up this post. Hopefully, telling the Whole Wide World (on the Web, anyway) my intentions will lend some accountability.
At the very least, it gives me something to write about!
So there it is. The Metamorphosis of my Quest for Fitness and now, hopefully, the Metamorphosis of Me!
Ellen Degeneres spoke up on her talk show yesterday about the group One Million Moms and their protests of JC Penney hiring a lesbian as their new spokesperson.
In case you've been living in outer space over the last few years, Ellen would be the gay woman this group is taking offense to.
Here at EverAfterLand, we are NOT in agreement with the (way LESS than) One Million women who make up the group.
And I think our snack time is a bit of evidence to that....
OK, so Miss Priss had already eaten all the Mommies.
But to her credit, and without missing a beat, she said, "That's OK, Mommy, I'll just have two DADDIES!"
And her Two Daddy Family was just as yummy and satisfying as her more traditional "mom & dad" families had been!
